The Diaries of a Siriusly Insane Ravenclaw
by Emijier
Summary: I'm Daniella Emberson, and I'm a 7th year Ravenclaw with a sick and twisted mind. I don't know WHY I'm in Ravenclaw. Ravenclaws are supposed to be smart, and it was NOT smart to start fancying Sirius Black...wait, you did NOT just hear that, OK? SBOC
1. Lily and the Gs

**A/N:** Yes, I started a new story. So sue me. I like SBOC stories, so I'm making up my own. Please don't flame me—if you don't like it, then you have to have some constructive criticism to back up WHY you don't like it. If you say "I hate it," then… yeah. I think you get my point.

-Morsmordre

**Disclaimer: **Everyone always puts up all these things like "HARRY POTTER DOES NOT BELONG TO ME… You'd have to be a kindergartener not to realize that"… or something. I wish they'd just get to the point, like this: I don't own Harry Potter.

See? Easy as that!

Wait… I spent two sentences writing my disclaimer. I may be a hypocrite…

It's so complicated… (Sigh)

Oh well. Read and review!

**Summary: **My name is Daniella Emberson, and I am a seventh year Ravenclaw with a sick and twisted mind. Although I don't know WHY I'm in Ravenclaw… Ravenclaws are supposed to be smart, and it was NOT smart to start fancying Sirius Black… wait, you did NOT just hear me say that, OK? SBOC Marauders era

* * *

**August 31**

**9: 14 PM**

**My bedroom**

Hi! My name is Daniella Emberson, and my birthday was today, August 31. Just the day before Hogwarts starts again. For my seventh year, that is. At least for me. And I got this lame diary as a present.

I think it's rather stupid to get me a diary. I mean, what was Nadine THINKING? Just because that time when I was six, I accidentally thought her diary was a book and I read it. And I happened to like it, cuz I thought it was so melodramatic and all. Or something like that. And then Nadine came and yelled at me a lot. And I cried. Cuz I was six.

I think.

I mean, I THINK I cried that time.

I was six, OK?

So she got all snotty and went "If you like diaries so much, I'll get you one for your seventeenth birthday, when you become an adult in the wizarding world, like I did. Happy?"

I was SIX.

WHAT IS HER PROBLEM???

…

Sorry about that. I'm a rather insane person, if you must know. I have such a twisted mind; I don't know why I wasn't put in Slytherin.

But then again, I'm a halfblood. And all the Slytherins would probably kill me within the first week of Hogwarts just to shut me up. And since my family doesn't work at the Ministry and doesn't have influence or power or anything, there's nothing anybody could or would do about it.

Nadine would be happy. She hates me.

You'd think that a twenty-eight-year-old would take pity on her seventeen-year-old cousin. But oh no. It's all, "Daniella's all grown-up now! She can take care of herself from evil cousins!"

I told you I'm insane, so be warned.

**9: 32 PM**

I just read over what I wrote, and realized it would be… confusing, to say the least, to an outsider. Not that anyone would EVER read my diary, cuz I put a charm on it so that only I can read it. I think I did it right, anyway. I mean, I'm seventeen now, so no one can stop me from doing underage magic, because I'm not underage anymore! HA!

So.

My name is Daniella Emberson. I'm a halfblood witch who goes to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was put in Ravenclaw.

I have no idea why. I mean, it's not like I'm smart or anything. I only got seven O.W.L.s, and I always fail History of Magic and Divination.

But then, Divination is taught by an old fraud.

…

Anyway.

I guess Gryffindor wouldn't be suited for me. I'm not brave or anything. Like that one time I was in third year and there was this huge snake on the ground when we were outside for our Care of Magical Creatures class by the gamekeeper Hagrid's hut, and it hissed at me. I just SCREAMED and ran away.

It turned out it was only a harmless garden snake.

Harmless! It was NOT harmless. It looked SCARY. I had every right to scream!

And then it wasn't in a garden. It was by the Forbidden Forest. FORBIDDEN! There's a REASON it's called the FORBIDDEN Forest. Which is why I thought that snake was an evil, poisonous, dangerous creature. Because all creatures from the Forbidden Forest are supposed to be scary and evil and dangerous.

And then, I'm not evil, so I can't be put in Slytherin. My mind can be very sick and twisted sometimes, like that time after fifth year, and I was playing this game thing with my other two cousins, Robert and Michelle. We had to sit on the floor for the first half, and Robert was like "We're going to get on the floor," and I was like "That sounds so wrong!" And then my two cousins just looked at me like I was contaminated with the plague (I probably am—why don't I just do everyone a favor and end my life) and backed away.

Slowly.

See? Even my own cousins think I'm insane!

So… where was I?

Oh yes. The subject of why I'm not in Slytherin.

Well, I told you, I can't be in Slytherin because I'm not evil. And I can't be in Gryffindor because I'm not brave. I'm a dunderhead, so I should be in Hufflepuff!

And I'm insane, too.

But we all know that Hufflepuffs are really insane, twisted people inside, plotting to take over the world!

So how come I'm not in Hufflepuff?

…

Well, whatever. I'm not a Hufflepuff, I'm a Ravenclaw.

A Ravenclaw who isn't smart. At ALL.

And I have, like, NO friends. Well, not unless you count the Gs.

The Gs are these really snotty Hufflepuffs who think they're so cool. And I guess they are. But no one likes them because they're such bitches.

Their names all start with (surprise!) the letter G. There's Georgia Mangini, Grace Nicholson, and Gina Diaz. They're best friends, and they go around picking on people and stuff.

Just last year (sixth year), I had a friend besides the Gs. Her name was Lily Evans, and she's a seventh year (at least this year, when I'm going to start Hogwarts) Gryffindor. She should be a Ravenclaw, because she gets top grades and everything. She was a prefect, too.

OK, I'll get to the point.

Lily went away for the winter holidays, but I didn't because the Embersons (minus me, plus Nadine, who isn't even an Emberson anymore—she's a Cambridge: he's this Muggle guy she married) went to Greece.

So, there I was, all alone, (Lily's parents wouldn't let her have anyone over, because her older sister was engaged to this total buffoon she told me about, back when we were still friends, named Vernon Dursley) when the Gs came up to me.

OK, basically, they invited me to hang out with them because my "bitchy little friend," as they so nicely put it, had ditched me to hang out with her sister.

That was so not true, I realize that now. As much as I don't want to, because now I realize that it seems as if I ditched HER.

Anyway.

Lily and I had spent countless hours talking about the Gs—they're beautiful but stuck-up and mean to others. No one likes them, but everyone pretends to like them. And since everyone's pretending, everybody thinks that everybody else DOES like the Gs, and they don't want to be different, so they continue pretending that they like the Gs. So it turns out that no one likes the Gs at all.

OK, did that make any sense at all?

…

Anyway, I should've said no when they invited me to be part of their little club (hello, my name doesn't even start with G! It starts with a D—you know, Daniella?) but I didn't. I guess it was because of the way they said it (they can be extremely persuasive)—said that Lily was ditching me, I mean, and I kind of started to believe them.

So I hung out with them, and when Lily came back and found out, she was furious. In fact, I believe her exact words were:

"Daniella, what's wrong with you? I'm your best friend, and I leave for TWO WEEKS and I come back to find you hanging out with those bitches! I can't even trust you for a SECOND now, can I?"

Hey, when your best friend of five and a half years starts hating you because you hung out with an elite, bitchy club at Hogwarts, you remember exactly what she says.

And since the Gs were nice to me, and Lily seemed really to have ditched me for her family, and she was saying hurtful things, instead of apologizing, I went ahead (very idiotically) and yelled back, "They were much nicer to me than you were!"

So Lily, being Lily, the one with the fiery redhead temper and all, went, "FINE! If you like those snotty girls better than your BEST FRIEND" (she put great emphasis on the words BEST FRIEND, which I guess was supposed to make me feel guilty, which it did) "then go ahead and be friends with them! See if I care!"

And then she stormed off. The next day, she was chatting with Alice Jenkins and Margie McKinnon at breakfast like she was never best friends with me at all.

She completely ignored me after that. Which is such a shame, because I LIKED her. She was my BEST FRIEND.

So then I just HAD to realize the next day that I was being incredibly foolish, and I went up and tried to apologize to Lily.

Lily doesn't forgive people who wronged her easily, though. So she went, "Aren't you supposed to meet up with your little bitchy friends?" and pointed in the general direction of the Gs. So basically, it was a hopeless cause.

And basically, I caused my best friend to hate me.

Which is such a shame and all.

The Gs make fun of me all the time, but they say they're just joking. I don't think so. The things they say can be very hurtful. Then instead of trying and making it up to me, they just go, "It's a JOKE, Daniella. Lighten up. You are sooo dumb sometimes; can't you tell that we're just KIDDING?"

So now I realize that even though I hang out with them (the Gs, I mean), they don't even really like me.

So basically, I have no friends.

Oh, and I have no boyfriend, either.

Really. I have no reason to return to Hogwarts.

**11: 47 PM**

I can't sleep. And I still have to wake up early tomorrow morning to get ready for Hogwarts.

Nadine came in before everyone left my birthday party (it was more like a family reunion). She went, "Oh goodie, you're writing in the diary I gave you," in this very sarcastic voice.

My God, she's twenty-flipping-eight. Can't she be mature for just one second?

Obviously not.

And then she just flaunted her husband at me and left.

Gah.

She's just trying to show off the fact that she has a "one true love" (what a load of crock—Nadine doesn't love anyone, and she never will) and I don't.

Big deal.

**11: 52 PM**

Fine, I'll admit it. It IS a big deal.

It's not like any guys will like me, anyway. I'm totally insane, obsessed with chocolate, and I'm not pretty. I mean, instead of Lily's beautiful red hair or blond hair or black hair, I have BROWN HAIR and BROWN EYES. Which is very uncommon.

Not.

The only guy I dated was Jeremy Banks, in fifth year, and he was totally using me to get to Lily.

That was when Lily and I were still friends…

I miss her…

Where was I?

Oh yes. Jeremy Banks.

Anyway, since Lily and I were still friends that time, when she found out, she was FURIOUS. She said I was her best friend, and no one should treat me like that (because I had actually LIKED him).

She actually even went so far as to ask her nemesis, James Potter, who's a seventh year Gryffindor too, at least this year, to prank him for using me. And James Potter, being completely in love with Lily, would do anything for her. If she asked him to jump off the Astronomy Tower to prove his undying devotion for her, he would. Seriously. And especially since Jeremy had actually liked LILY, who was JAMES'S true love (at least in his opinion), he would definitely prank him (Jeremy, I mean) for me.

Jeremy Banks was pranked (and hexed, now that I think of it) so hard, he was in the hospital wing for three weeks.

The Gs would never do something like that for me.

Sigh.

…

I'm sleepy now. I'm going to sleep. Good night.

…

Wait a minute. Did I just say good night to a _diary_???

I told you I was insane.

…

Good night.

* * *

**A/N: **I don't actually own a diary myself, so I wouldn't know if people write like that. Anyway, I hope you liked it! Remember, no flames… Please review! Thanks!

-Morsmordre


	2. Sirius Smiles

**A/N:** Thank you for the… ah, five reviews. Thanks to Kayla Black who reviewed (anonymously)… Here's the update!

-Morsmordre

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

**Summary:** My name is Daniella Emberson, and I am a seventh year Ravenclaw with a sick and twisted mind. Although I don't know WHY I'm in Ravenclaw… Ravenclaws are supposed to be smart, and it was NOT smart to start fancying Sirius Black… wait, you did NOT just hear me say that, OK? SBOC Marauders era

**Rating: **T (either for later chapters or just in case)

* * *

**September 1**

**9: 31 AM**

**The living room, on the couch closest to the door**

It's almost time to go to Hogwarts.

I mean, it's almost time for my dad to drive us there.

I guess you're wondering, why don't we just Apparate?

…

Well, my parents are both halfbloods, and since my dad's dad (my grandpa on my dad's side) was a Muggle, he (my dad, I mean) had to learn how to drive. So we're driving to Kings Cross Station.

Which I think is very stupid, if you ask me.

The drive is about one hour. My mother is still searching for her glasses. She's pretty much blind without them, and she says she needs them. I don't think she does, though, because she's not the one driving or anything.

**9: 37 AM**

The glasses are still missing. I think I'll go help look.

**9: 43 AM**

Still haven't been found.

**9: 49 AM**

If we don't hurry, I'll miss the train.

**9: 53 AM**

WHERE ARE THOSE FRICKIN' GLASSES???

**10: 14 AM**

**In the car on the way to Kings Cross Station**

When it was almost ten o'clock, I yelled at my mother the properties of a Summoning Charm so maybe she would finally be able to find her glasses. Then she went, "But I don't know where they are, so how can I summon them?" So I told her to use a Tracking/Locating Charm. It turned out they were in the toaster… yes, IN the toaster. The toaster, as in that bloody Muggle contraption that produces squares of charcoal.

…

That's just proof to show how warped the Emberson family is.

…

Anyway.

We set out at about ten o'clock. My dad better drive fast or I'll kill him.

**10: 17 AM**

I just read over that last entry and I feel it is needed to say that I didn't mean I would LITERALLY kill him. Just METAPHORICALLY.

…

Whatever that means.

**10: 19 AM**

My God, I'm such an idiot. I told you, I don't even know WHY I'm in Ravenclaw. I mean, seriously.

I didn't know what METAPHORICALLY meant.

And I went and asked my mom.

And then I realized that METAPHORICALLY has the word METAPHOR in it.

And even I'M not so stupid as to not know what METAPHOR means.

So I kicked myself.

And yelled.

Cuz it hurt.

…

I'm surprised I haven't been hauled off to the insane asylum yet.

**10: 21 AM**

If I went to Azkaban, nothing about me would change because I'm so demented already.

**10: 27 AM**

Self-deprecating moment over.

**10: 29 AM**

Not that I know what that means. I just said it cuz I heard Lily say it once, back when we were still friends.

**10: 39 AM**

Ten minutes have passed.

**10: 46 AM**

We're almost there. Yippee!

**10: 51 AM**

Right. Yippee. So I can sit on the train all by myself like the loser I am for a few more hours. ARGH!

Either that, or sit with the Gs and listen to them babble about the latest copy of _Teen Witch_ or whatever.

…

Sigh.

**11: 11 AM**

**In a compartment on the Hogwarts Express**

So.

…

Here I am, sitting with the Gs.

…

I got to the train station on time. I made it onto the train just half a minute before it started out.

My mother kissed me on the cheek good-bye in front of EVERYONE.

And everyone nearby who was watching laughed.

And then an evil Slytherin git tripped me.

And I fell.

…

When I finally got to this compartment (where the Gs are), they didn't even notice. Well, they did, but they just kinda went "Oh, it's you, Daniella," and went back to talking about… whatever it is that they were talking about before I got here.

So now I am listening to them babble about clothes, makeup, boys, and stuff like that.

…

Exciting, huh?

**11: 48 AM**

The Gs were just talking about the hottest guys at school. And they all agreed on one person: Sirius Black.

To tell you the truth, I have no idea who Sirius Black is. I mean, I've heard of him around school and everything, and I bet I've seen him around school too—I just don't know exactly which person he is.

He's supposed to be really good-looking. And right now I am thinking about all the good-looking guys at school. Apparently the Gs will point him out to me if we pass by him after we get off the Hogwarts Express.

I can't believe I was complaining about them yesterday in this diary. They were just so nice!

…

Right. Except for the part where they called me idiotic and stupid for not knowing who Sirius Black was.

…

I hate myself.

**12: 13 PM**

Why don't I just do the world a favor and Avada myself.

That should make Nadine happy.

**12: 16 PM**

I am pathetic. I need a life.

…

Seriously.

**12: 21 PM**

Since I am bored (and hungry, now that I think of it—where the heck is the food trolley???), I am going to describe the Gs to you.

First, there's Georgia Mangini, who is, like, the leader of their little group. She has perfect short curly blond hair, hazel eyes, and this really tiny waist.

She's really pretty.

I look nothing like her.

Georgia puts "like" in, like, every other word in her sentence, like, you know?

Like, totally.

…

Anyway.

Then there's Grace Nicholson, who's her best friend. Grace has long, straight, dark red hair—not bright red, like Lily's.

Why am I comparing everything to Lily???

…

Anyway.

Grace also has huge blue eyes and light skin, and no freckles.

She's the one who picks on everyone all the time.

Like last year, after our huge fight (I mean my huge fight with Lily), right after I started hanging out with the Gs, we (the Gs and I, I mean) were going someplace, when they (the Gs, I mean) started picking on this third year Hufflepuff. (She's going to be in fourth year now.)

They said some really mean things, like they commented on her clothes (um, hello, we wear a uniform!) and her accent (she was from America) and her hair. And then the poor girl ran away in tears.

I felt so sorry for her.

But I didn't do anything.

I mean, what COULD I do? If I stood up to them, then they would pick on ME. And then they wouldn't be my friends anymore, and I would have NO friends, because Lily and I weren't speaking.

And Lily came by just to hear the last bit of that little… whatever it was. She just looked at me like she couldn't believe it, and then she told off the Gs, who just laughed in her face, and then she went after the girl to comfort her, but not before shooting me a rather nasty look.

Gah.

I feel so guilty.

…

Wait. I just realized that that was LAST YEAR!!!

…

I have serious issues.

Seriously.

…

So.

Last of the Gs is Gina Diaz. She has long straight black hair and dark brown eyes, and a dark tan. And she doesn't talk much, but when she does, she doesn't really have anything nice to say.

Great friends, huh?

**12: 34 PM**

Yay! The trolley's coming here!

**12: 39 PM**

Have I mentioned that I don't really like my "friends" all that much? Because when the trolley came by, I went to get some Chocolate Frogs, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and some Pumpkin Pastries, and Grace called me a cow.

And then I was so embarrassed, and I turned bright red (I saw my reflection in the window) and sat back down.

So now I am still starving. And tired of hearing about how hot Sirius Black is, as well.

**12: 43 PM**

I have nothing to do. And I'm NOT going to read my textbooks. I'm just going to have to read them over and over again over the duration of the year, anyway, so why bother?

**9: 15 PM**

OK. So basically, I was bored for the rest of the train ride. Nothing important or exciting happened.

Then, I followed the Gs when it was time to leave the train. And then we passed by these four boys.

I still remember what they look like. One had really messy black hair and glasses. One had light brown hair, and bunch of scars on his face. One was really short and plump and not really good-looking. And then one had … black hair.

And he was _gorgeous_.

Seriously. He looked like a god brought to earth.

Oh, who am I kidding? It's not like any boy will ever notice me.

Well, back to the point.

He was a Gryffindor… I'd seen him in the hallways before, but I never knew his name.

Anyway, when we passed him, Grace elbowed me and hissed in this way-too-loud voice, "That's Sirius Black."

And then he turned and looked at us.

Actually, he looked at me.

Me.

_Me._

ME.

That's right, the apparently sex-god, bad boy, whatever it is the Gs call him, of Hogwarts looked at ME.

Little old me. Me, with my almost-shoulder length brown hair, brown eyes, and pale skin.

M-E.

And then he smiled.

I don't know why. He just sort of turned, looked at me, and SMILED.

He had really nice, white teeth too.

Anyway, when he did that, all the Gs grabbed each other and squealed. And once the four boys were out of earshot, they all began screeching, "Oh my god! He smiled at me! No, he smiled at _me_! No, you're wrong, he was smiling at _me_!"

Anyway, I had to deal with that the whole ride in the horseless carriages to Hogwarts.

And now I'm not even sure if he was smiling at me or what. Or if it was at one of the Gs. It looked like the smile was directed towards me, but I don't know.

Argh. Why am I obsessing over this right before bed, anyway? It was just a stupid smile. It didn't necessarily mean anything.

Gah. I need sleep.

**9: 32 PM**

I can't sleep. I keep thinking about that hot guy… Sirius Black, I think his name was, for some reason.

WHY?!?!?!

…

Dammit. I just realized…

I think I _like _him.

Oh, Merlin help me. I am seriously screwed.

Or Sirius-ly. Haha.

Good night.

…

OK, this has been the second time I have said good night to a diary! What is WRONG with me?

…

I need sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Hehe… and Daniella's misadventures continue. Please review!

–Morsmordre


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